Home
by Acoustic Juliet
Summary: Paige leaned her head against Jimmy's shoulder, her mind aching and stomach sick. [Paige Michalchuck]


Title: "Home"  
Genre: Drama/Angst, Romance  
Content: K+  
Spoilers: Season 4, Canadian style.  
Summary: One-shot; "He's my best friend's boyfriend, and completely off-limits."

Author's Note: This one-shot is most **obviously** in the category of Alternate Universe; because 1) this has not happened, yet, and 2) the odds are that it never will. But I'm not a fan of Hazel's, and I felt like screwing with her life, which resulted in this piece, in which I've inevitably corrupted both Paige and Jimmy - but I think this one-shot is totally worth it, don't you? No flames, because Jimmy is crippled.

Plus, I'm very slightly avoiding writing the second chapter of Content. (Which is pronounced _Con_tent, and **not** Con_tent . . .)_

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Home

Paige Michalchuck had been raped exactly three years ago; her mind would cease to remember the scarring wounds, however, because at the moment, all she could think of was Hazel Aden, best friend and confidante and her boyfriend, who sits stationary beside her atop the plush white sofa before the flat-screen television mounted against the off-white-colored wall a few steps ahead. And as Paige contemplated the situation at hand, she pondered silently the reasoning she could use to justify the wrongdoings she had committed just moments ago; she could still taste him, warm against her lips that now remained swollen against the beds of her fingertips, as she grazed them across her mouth briefly, licking gently as the skin.

She could feel Jimmy's intense gaze fall upon her as her vision remained fictitiously focused on the screen before them, mistily eying the morphing patterns present within the transparency. But as she turned her head very slightly, as though to subtly glance at him, his arm reached out and his hand grasped her own, tugging lightly at her fingers, before entwining them with his. Paige could not help but agree, that at that very moment, _this was not meant to be. . . ._ Friends do not cross such lines, she'd decided; best friends do not kiss another best friend's boyfriend, who is also a friend, and has been a friend much longer than supposed best friend - it was all too complicated to process, Paige decided.

"Paige," said Jimmy, his voice deep and agonizingly soft; Paige could not help but feel the burn of brackish tears forming within her bottom eyelids, as she prayed to God that she could make it through that very moment without climbing in to his lap and devouring him for everything that he was - and God, was he _everything_, all right. "You're not one for discussing ruthless circumstances; but what just happened - that was _beyond_ ruthless, Paige. And I'm going to try to speak for myself, here; but that happened to be one of the most intense kisses I've ever experienced, and it scares me, because it was with _you_. And you're . . . you're _you_, Paige, you know?"

Paige nodded reluctantly, as she reveled in the feelings of his thumb caressing the back of her hand so delicately, as a rush of emotions completely unfamiliar invaded her senses. "I do know," Paige began, her voice slightly hardened, though cracking beneath the false strength she had momentarily constructed. "And that _was_ an amazing kiss, Jimmy; but it was a horrifyingly stupid kiss that should have never happened in the first place, because not only am I going to ruin what we had as friends, but what you have with Hazel - my _best_ friend - and what _I_ had with her, which, no offense, is twenty-times the importance of some adolescent relationship." Paige sighed exasperatingly. "I'm sorry, Jimmy."

"Paige," breathed Jimmy, as he turned he brought his hand to the side of Paige's face, forcing her to face him. "I'm not looking for a relationship with you; that's not something either of us want, and I know that for a fact. We'd be lying to each other if we ever said we did. But two people don't kiss for any reason, especially when there's so much of a reason _not_ to go through with it." Jimmy allowed his hand to fall to Paige's shoulder, grasping lightly at the bare skin uncovered by the cotton of her wife-beater. "I like you, but you're a friend. And you're Hazel's best friend, which complicates the situation. And I hate it, you know? I hate that the kiss is something that the two of us need to forget about and forget. I hate it, because it was the greatest kiss I've ever experienced."

A lone tear then coursed silently down Paige's cheek, and she made no effort to dry it. "Don't cry," said Jimmy, his voice hushed mysteriously, as his finger came in contact with her cheek, wiping the streak of wetness from her smooth, fair skin. "We need to figure out how it began; what sparked the kiss. But all I can seem to remember is the leaning-in-part." Paige remained silent and Jimmy fell deep in thought. "We were . . . we were talking about her, weren't we? We were talking about Hazel." Paige nodded, saddened. "Of course; only we are horrible enough to kiss after talking about the one person whose memory should have been able to hinder the action. But it didn't . . ."

"Don't," said Paige forcefully, glaring squarely in to Jimmy's dark eyes. "Don't blame this on Hazel. It's not her fault we treaded on forbidden grounds. I should've stopped it. Boy and their hormones, you know? I don't blame you, anyway. It's my fault. And if we ever decide to admit to her what we've done, then I give you full permission to tell her I came on to you . . . 'cause you make her really happy, Jimmy. And I won't jeopardize that, even for selfish Paige." Jimmy shook his head feverishly, which caused Paige's eyes to widen. "What? What is it?"

"It's not your fault, and if you even so much as _think_ that thought again, I'll . . . I don't know what I'll do, exactly, but when I think of something, you're forewarned." Jimmy watched Paige closely, as though challenging her to disagree and disregard his words. "I mean it, Paige. If anyone's to blame, it's me. I've been feeling so down lately, and I used you. I used you, and I'm the worst person that's ever existed, and I don't deserve you . . . _as a friend ­_-_ a friend._" Paige frowned and crossed one leg over the other, as she folded her arms across her stomach.

"Three years ago to this day, I was raped by Dean - to this day. I needed to feel comforted, and I had no one to turn to. Marco's hardly around now that he's employed by Caitlin Ryan; Ashley's in London; Alex . . . doesn't know; and then there's Hazel. I just . . . she _doesn't get it_. I didn't want a Hazen Aden sort of comfort; I wanted . . . I wanted _you_, Jimmy. I wanted you; because I _knew_ you'd get it. Not that you've ever been sexually assaulted, but . . . I . . . you're _you_, and that's enough to calm anyone."

Jimmy nodded, leaning forward to toy with a wheel of the wheelchair which sat empty before him. "I understand," he said. "I love Hazel, you know; but it's different, now. It's not different, now that she looks at me with such sad eyes. She thinks I'm crippled; I _am_ crippled, but _God_, ignorance is bliss and Hazel never allows me to play the game. Sometimes, I forget I'm paralyzed and can actually feel my legs begin to tingle - and I see her - and . . . and it's gone." Jimmy chuckled disturbingly, his back hitting against the soda abruptly. "And the _Worst Boyfriend Ever Award_ goes to . . ."

"No way," said Paige dismissively. "You're a great boyfriend. And Hazel knows that you love her, and so do I, which makes the situation even harder to deal with. I'm not asking you to leave her, I'm not asking you to tell her, and I'm not going to give you an ultimatum. All I'm asking is for our relationship to not be altered after _one_ kiss; because I can't lose you, Jim. I just . . . I just can't, okay? So whatever happened in this room can never leave, all right? At least . . . not yet, okay? She doesn't deserve to be trampled on, because we're two idiots who made a mistake."

Jimmy heaved a sigh. "_God,_" he began, "I don't know what to think anymore, Paige! Part of me wants to forget it ever happened, and then the other part of me wants to go at it again. And then I think of Hazel and it doesn't make the choice any easier, which scares me." Paige leaned her head against Jimmy's shoulder, her mind aching and stomach sick. "I'm not asking anything of you, but I don't think Hazel should know. It'll make things too difficult to handle. And she doesn't deserve the pain of knowledge, 'cause that's all it will be, in the end - a whole lot o' pain."

"But we're changed," huffed Paige. "As much as we'd like to not admit it, we are. Everything's changed, and it sucks, you know? And I wonder, had you not been . . . been . . . _you know_ . . . and I not been r-raped - where would we be right now? Would anything have changed?"

"Everything would have been different," said Jimmy. "But we'll never know for sure."

"Is ignorance still bliss?" pondered Paige aloud.

Jimmy remained silent momentarily, his breathing ragged and sharp. "I don't know," said Jimmy plainly. "I just . . . I don't know. . . . So where do we go from here?"

Paige sighed; "I guess . . . I go home."

"Yeah," agreed Jimmy.

And neither moved from the plush white sofa, as they continued staring in to the lightened television screen, for what seemed to be an infinite amount of time.

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**End**. Review, suckers. You know you want to! 


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